I know what I’m supposed to act like.

I know the rules of this gig. I’ve spent my whole adult life preparing myself to live up to some sort of leadership position.

I’ve sat under dozens of leaders (some more leadery than others) who’ve handled their positions of leadership in various ways to set the good and/or bad example. Some faked it so well they spent decades fooling their following into one ideal or another. Others have done the complete opposite and care so deeply, give so generously, lead so faithfully they continue to inspire all who come in contact with them.

And then there’s me.

I’ve been using the hashtag #AccidentalLeader lately. For one, I love clever hashtags. Won’t take much to get me wanting to put something on a t-shirt! But for another, I honestly feel this is the role I’m living out at the moment.

I’m neither qualified nor deserving of the position I’ve been put in as the voice people hear when they press “play” in a Gamerosity video. I’m just some guy who got Stage 4 cancer when he was 15 and spent the better part of his adulthood trying to move on from it. I’m known as a cancer survivor yet most of my survivorship was trying to forget that time of my life (obviously only to have it coming back and becoming a major part of my life presently). This is, by and large, why I think it’s ridiculous to make Gamerosity about me; my only merit is having been through what these children are going through today.

I didn’t start Gamerosity because I somehow achieved great perspective in my life and therefore ready to show the world my greatness, I started it out of a inescapable compelling. I had to respond to this feeling in my heart. The results of that response, with the support of so many other people, has led me to this place.

Where is this place?

I can’t quite describe it. There’s a conscious awareness that the things I write have meaning, influence, and purpose in the lives of others. That comes with this heavy responsibility to ensure that my words are short and purposed. There’s a mutual trust between myself and those who respond to the things I write. I can’t break that trust.

How can I look upon this responsibility and take advantage of others from it? I can’t. I won’t. Ever.

Maybe that’s what leadership is. Maybe it’s a bunch of “what the heck do I say?!”‘s going on and I’m just one of them. I doubt it, but maybe? If it is, I guess I feel a lot better right now because, for the most part, before I address anything controversial going on with Gamerosity, I be sure to run it by Combsy and Carlos before it posts. More often then not, I find myself changing direction altogether on my position and taking their advice.

And lately, there’s been a lot of me having to go to these guys before I respond to something. I think that’s what this post is about, maybe.

Gamerosity is growing, there’s no denying that. Our following isn’t “huge” by comparison to others, but it’s strong. Super strong. And fairly ubiquitous, which is kind of cool. But also terrifying.

I get to have interactions with people who are just now learning about Gamerosity who have no idea of the journey it took to get where we are. They don’t know why we don’t share certain things, why we don’t say certain things, why we post what we post. They simply hold us to the typical “non-profit/charity” measuring rod that people have used their whole lives and wonder why we’re not like them. It’s cool, I understand this comes with the territory, but guess who has to answer those questions? Yeah, this guy. And while some people believe they’re the first person to give a percentage of their sales to Gamerosity in exchange for promoting their “event” on our Facebook page (I simply can’t turn Gamerosity into an ad page.), I’ve made promises.

I’ll never marginalize anyone’s efforts, that’s not my point. I think my point is that I have to answer to all of these inquiries as though they’re the first to approach us. Not for any other reason but the fact that people deserve to be appreciated for caring about our Charity. How do you do that without sounding condescending or scripted? Yeah, I don’t know either. I just try to be real.

It just seems like people expect so much more. It’s simple. Do you want to help the work we’re doing at Gamerosity? Cool. Do something about it with the time you have available.

You want me to do something about it? I’m sorry, I already am.

Gamerosity isn’t my playground, it’s my passion. I wanted to do something so I used the time I had, volunteered, put forth an effort, assembled a team, and pushed as hard as I could to show it to the world. If I fail, I fail.

At the end of the day, I’m just a graphic designer who works for a screen printing company and moonlights as an Executive Director.

I don’t know if those are the “words to say” and I don’t know if that was very leadery, but I do know that if I and a group of my friends can do something special in our free time, you can do anything you want if your motives are right. And yeah, your motives do matter.

I want to help kids with cancer know they’re loved and valued. Those are my motives. Not to be famous. Not to get rich. Not to have followers or to gain your respect. I don’t need to be affirmed or coddled. I just need you to buy a shirt and use our platform.

1.  BE WILLING TO DIE FOR YOUR CAUSE

Let me tell you something, running a non-profit is incredibly difficult.  You may be a successful business person and an absolute failure as a non-profit administrator because the moving parts are more complicated.  You have to deal with the preconceived  non-profit expectations by the community, perpetually fundraise for your cause, and experience the heartache that deal with being in such a touchy/feely industry, among many other things.  Working in the non-profit sector is not for the emotionally unavailable or the passively committed.  You will have days where you look yourself in the mirror and wonder why you even bother (not because your cause isn’t worth it, but because some may see your cause as not worth following).  If you’re not completely passionate about your cause, you’re wasting your time and the time of those you’re soliciting.  You can’t grow passion or nurture interest into passion.  You either are or you aren’t, and if you aren’t, you won’t last.  Maybe this sector isn’t for you.  Maybe your role within a certain cause isn’t necessarily leadership, perhaps you serve a better support role for the cause-at-large. I know that’s not easy to read, it wasn’t easy to write, but it’s supremely important that you know yourself, for the sake of the cause.  We all want to be leaders, but not everyone is prepared to lead at any given moment.  Are you passionate about your cause?  You better be.  Because the peaks and valley’s are tumultuous.

2. IF SOMEONE ELSE IS DOING IT, SUPPORT THEM INSTEAD

Seriously, I can’t say this enough.  If someone was doing something like Gamerosity, I’d be supporting them, heck, I’d be their biggest supporter!  I love when I see families who’s children have been impacted by cancer want to make a difference, it means there’s a deep, incredible stirring in their heart to make a difference and “pay it forward.”  It’s beautiful.  There’s opportunity everywhere for these families to find their place within this journey and every now and again, an individual will emulate what another non-profit has done for them.  For many reasons, I’m against this.  Obviously, an organization that helped you went through a lot of turmoil to get where they’re at so they can be in a position to help you in the first place.  Circumventing them so you can do for others what they did for you can actually do more harm than good.  We live in a world that thrives on volume discounts and diluting an industry can help less people than you’d think.    Secondarily, if you feel the call to help people, there’s a creative way to do it that is specifically meant for you.  There’s a process to supporting families that is perfect for you, it fits your personality, and caters to your strengths and talents.  It took us a year and a half to launch Gamerosity because we wanted to make sure we did it right.  We wanted to make sure we weren’t taking dollars from other non-profits and were still able to support other non-profits by not cannibalizing them.  It may take more time for you to start your non-profit, but I promise you, there’s a place for you in this, don’t take the easy way and copy others, find your fingerprints.

3.DON’T DELAY, REGISTER FOR YOUR 501(c)(3) IMMEDIATELY

Yes, it costs money to register your non-profit.  Yes, it takes time… but think of it this way, you’re asking friends and family to help fund your non-profit and you haven’t served them properly.  They’ve done their part and you haven’t done yours.  If you’re asking for even a penny, you have a responsibility to your donors.  You are no longer a fun-loving, innocent person who just wants to help people, you’re now a leader and it’s time to act like one.  At the end of the year, you’re going to be asked by people for your TIN so they can write off their donation to you and if you’ve been accepting money without being in compliance, you’re not only harming those kids, you’re directly hurting your donors.  Get it done, be in compliance.  All of us other non-profits that you feel you could “do it better than” have gone the proper routes to serve our community of donors, it’s time you do the same.  And perhaps, after doing so, you may gain some perspective about how real non-profits are ran.  It’s not so easy to run a non-profit and focus on your mission when you receive a letter from the State of Oregon fining you for not registering followed by a letter from the IRS with a hefty fine for not filing your 990 Annual Report.  Things get complicated when you owe the State, County, and IRS fees every year.  You need to know those things, accept them, and be in compliance with them.  Not for the State, County, and IRS, but so you can continue serving those that are a part of your mission and the donors who support you.  You’re a leader now, it’s time to act like one.

4. DON’T JUST KNOW YOUR STRENGTHS, KNOW YOUR WEAKNESSES

This should probably be number one on the list.  You have to know what your weaknesses are.  You have to.  You have to confront those issues head on and be real with yourself.  We all like to pitch a tent and “live” where our strengths are and simply disregard our weaknesses… That’s not leadership, that’s lying to yourself.  And if you’re lying to yourself, you’re lying to your donor base and the group that you serve.  Your goal should be to lift up your non-profit, not your name, so confronting and making note of your weaknesses won’t hurt your non-profit, it’ll set you up to approach it properly.

5. THEN BRING IN SOMEONE STRONG WHERE YOU ARE WEAK

This ties with Number 4.  There is no perfect leader, that much is for certain.  But there are great leaders and great leaders know how to both delegate and inspire others to join them in the journey.  Personally, I’m terrible at the “fine print” of running a non-profit.  The forms, the compliance issues with the State, and all those technical things just make my head want to explode.  But Mike Combs (Combsy) is fantastic about handling all that stuff, that’s why he’s our Board President.  I’m great at “vision casting” but not so much with logistics and planning, so I delegate that to Lauren, one of our Board Members.  The list goes on.  The point is, you can’t and shouldn’t run a non-profit on your own, you must find people who are like-minded and can be strong where you’re weak.  These people also provide wonderful insight and correction as you accomplish your mission.  These people keep me “on mission” and pointed towards our overall goal.

Obviously, there’s many, many different things to know about starting a non-profit, this is in no way an exhaustive account, but it is a valuable checklist.  Along the road, people are going to try to copy you (trust me on that one), freeze you out, discourage you, and distract you.  Stay fierce, stay focused, and be encouraged.  If you were made for this, you have the ability to see it through.

Is there a suggestion you may have?  Some insight to lend?  I’d love to hear it!  I’d love to grow with you and learn how I can lead my non-profit even better.  Let’s hear it.

THIS IS A WEIRD THING TO BE UPSET ABOUT.

I’m currently co-owner of a Screen Printing and Graphic Design company, Forte Clothing Company.  Despite all the analytics and data about the recession, Forte has been in business and has thrived over the last 5 years, we’re the lucky ones who haven’t had to feel the sting of a down-trodden economy.  Year after year, month after month, day after day the work comes in, and my family has been taken care of.  We’re not rich by any means (seriously, some months, we barely make it) but we make it and that’s the point.  I design for a living, primarily.  I design logos, business cards, make websites (I made this one you’re looking at), and of course, t-shirts.  It can be a grind.

“Comparison is the thief of joy.”
― Theodore Roosevelt

I saw other non-profit leaders doing their thing with a singular focus and filled myself with frustration wondering why I couldn’t be that leader who’s only focus was on living out their vision.  Why not me?  Aren’t I qualified to give full-time attention to Gamerosity?  Sure I am, I truly believe that, but this whole time, I’m missing the answer to a key question:  What’s your journey?

The mistake we make in this life is trying to live someone else’s dream.  Their journey is not yours.  And if your journey is hard, maybe you should be encouraged that you’re the one chosen for such a challenge.  Maybe it’s time we change the way we look at our daily grind.  Maybe it’s time we transition our attitude into something more constructive, maybe it’s time for you and I to gain perspective.

Check out this quote from one of my favorite books, Love Does by Bob Goff:

“Thinking about work as a day job has made a big difference in the way I approach what I do. It’s also helped me not to confuse who I am with what I do…

I think about my day job as a great way to fund the things we’re doing. Now when I put on a suit and tie or jump on a plane to go take a deposition, we call it “fund-raising.” It still makes me grin every time to say it this way. It’s like a really successful bake sale to get rid of bad guys.”

What if, what I do for a living is what is going to fund what I’m passionate about? What if I used my finances to change other peoples lives?  What would it do to my work ethic if I looked at my job as a way of funding my philanthropic spirit?  Wouldn’t that change the way you and I approach our day jobs?

What our culture is missing is joy.  We’ve quickly traded it for distraction and wonder why we’re no longer fulfilled.  Let’s change that.  Together, let’s change how we work, how we give, and how we approach our daily lives.  Live for Monday.

I get to spend my day creating artwork for small businesses, youth groups, non-profits, families, clothing lines, mom-and-pops shops, and the list goes on.  In 6 years, I’ve designed over 600 different shirts for clients all over the world.  I’ve created a website that offers fundraising opportunities and custom design to families and non-profits who can’t afford to purchase bulk products to raise money.  I get to help small businesses make a living every day… And then I get paid.  And then I use those resources to help children with cancer get through the toughest battle of their lives.

I encourage you, reader, to find something to pour into.  And every time you look at your job as a road block, remember why you work so hard, turn it into a bridge that connects you to your non-profit, your ministry, your charity, or whatever selfless cause that makes you feel alive.

Maybe these things in your life aren’t in your way, perhaps they’re a part of your way.

What do you think?  Have you struggled with this as I have?  I’d love to hear your thoughts, or frustrations, or instruction… We’re all in this together.  

But first lets take a step back…

In order to identify ways we can be authentic in the workplace, I think we should first define the word.  Webster defines the word like this:

• Authentic: adjective  a: worthy of acceptance or belief as conforming to or based on fact. b: conforming to an original so as to reproduce essential features. c: made or done the same way as the original.

Read that again.  What stands out to you?  Can I tell you what stands out to me?  In order to be authentic, we have to know who we “originally” are.  Being authentic means we are reproducing “essential feature” of our original selves.  So…do you know who you are?

This is where I’ll start…Know Who You Are.  Only by knowing who you really are, will you be able to be yourself at your place of work.  In his play Hamlet, Shakespeare’s character Polonius advises his son Laertes:

This above all: To thine own self be true, And it must follow, as the night the day, Thou canst not then be false to any man.

The world is full of people who wear masks, who put forth a facade in order to protect themselves or portray a version of themselves they believe you will like or that will get the ahead.  Go to any coffee shop and listen to the conversations being had.  Better yet, meet an acquaintance at a coffee shop and share you.  How hard is that for you?  My guess, pretty difficult.  We guard ourselves against potential threats to who we are, whether real or perceived or merely fantasized.  If you live this way away from work, you cannot hope to be authentic while at work.  So I ask again, who are you?

This leads me to my second point…Be Transparent.  This is probably the most difficult challenge I pose to you.  Transparency requires bravery.  It requires that we be vulnerable to the unknown.  Vulnerable to judgement, to mockery, to rejection.  It is also the most freeing and rewarding thing we can do.  Author and teacher Brené Brown describes Authenticity as the following:

“Authenticity is a collection of choices that we have to make every day. It’s about the choice to show up and be real. The choice to be honest. The choice to let our true selves be seen.” 

Let me state again that being transparent, and thus being authentic, is the most difficult of tasks.  But one I believe is required of us in an ever guarded world.  People are drawn to those who have the courage to be transparent.  Those who have the courage to show their true selves.  The pretty, the ugly; the good and the bad.  If you live openly, you invite others to do the same and that is where real connection happens.

Lastly…Be Truth.  That is not a typo. Truth is more than saying what is on your mind or stating what you believe to be true.  Truth is a way of being, a way of living your life in contradiction to that which is false.  Recently I came across the following quote::

“Honesty is more than not lying. It is truth telling, truth speaking, truth living, and truth loving.” 

Telling, speaking, living, loving.  Truth is action!  About a year ago I left a great job at what used to be a great company because the “truth” was being distorted all around me.  People in positions of authority were leading without integrity.  They were lying with their words, contradicting their actions, all while requiring everyone around them to be honest and forthright or suffer the consequences.  They thought they were being clever, that the lies being lived wouldn’t affect their authority.  But that is the thing about truth.  People know when you live it and when you don’t.  Event the smallest of inconsistencies will be called to light.  My truth…I left a job that was paying for the roof over my families heads and putting food on our table and I had nothing to replace it with.  But I realized that staying and supporting those people and that company made me a liar.  It contradicted my authenticity.

As I stated at the beginning, the list of ways you can and should be authentic in your workplace far outnumber the three I have listed here.  These are simply three that have changed my life once realized and put into practice.  I would love to hear examples of others that you live by.

I personally have been a part of 4 startups in my short entrepreneurial life and have a few more things cooking down the road.  I’ve seen great ideas crash and burn and I’ve seen the smallest of ideas grow into a beautiful dream.  From a self-employed business owner perspective, there’s little I haven’t seen.  I believe these 3 simple things are supremely important before stepping out onto that ledge and venturing into your uncharted waters (Notice how this blog is Love Recklessly, not Live Recklessly.).

Know Yourself

Having an adventurous spirit is great, in fact, some of the most innovative companies are built by free spirits, but how well do you know yourself?  Don’t turn away from certain realities.  What are your tendencies?  List your bad habits and then list your good ones.  Are those habits conducive to a positive work environment or are they destructive?

Begin charting what a regular workday would look like in the area you are choosing to venture into then compare and contrast your actual behavior and see it they line up.

Don’t lie to yourself.  Be honest.  This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t venture into self-employment, it means you have to make some positive changes in your behavior. Failure is okay, it’s a part of life, but the last thing you need is to fail and wonder why.  You should already know that answer.

Count the Cost

This is more than understanding your startup costs, this is understanding what it’s going to take to build a successful business.  How much time is this going to take away from your family?  Does it require travel, if so, let’s talk travel time and real costs that this entails.  And not just practically, but emotionally.

Some of our ventures are emotionally and spiritually trying, which is fine, anything worth doing should require trials, that makes it worth it.

The problem is when we fail to realize these things require a lot out of us, not just dollars, but emotional equity.  Do you have any to give?  Will this destroy your relationships?  Am I solving a problem or taxing my friends and family?  Because believe me when I say this, if you’re going to be self-employed, you better be ready to take on its identity because rarely does a venture succeed unless you and it share the same DNA.

Surround Yourself Around Good People

You can say “duh” if you like, but I mean it.  In every possible way.  If you have a business partner and you’re the yin to their yang, that’s fine, but if your foundations aren’t the same, you’re both in trouble.  Be sure to understand what you you both disagree on, because that’ll happen.  Define non-negotiables early because who and how you do business can end a venture before it starts.

Equally important is surrounding yourself around good people outside of the business.  Have friends that not just give solid advice, but are willing to talk about something else entirely.  You have to get away from numbers, strategies, and opportunities and have a drink with some friends who care enough about you to give you a break from it all.  They’ll hold you accountable, bring you back to earth, lift you up to space, hold you close whenever it’s needed.  If not, you’ll lose your mind on the Island of Yes Men.  Nobody wants that.

Most Importantly

HAVE FUN.  You’re doing something most people are too fearful to do.  So follow the steps, and go change the world!  The world NEEDS your ideas and it needs you to execute that idea properly.

Are you venturing out into uncharted waters?  What advice would you add to this list?  What have you learned along the way?  Let me know in the comments below.