For years I searched for meaning.  For years I came up empty in the meaning.  For years, I worked anonymously through the ranks just like everyone else wondering if I’d ever find the meaning for the stirrings in my heart.

And I found it.  I found my purpose.

I didn’t know if Gamerosity was “it” when I talked with Cat about it.  I didn’t know if Gamerosity was “it” when I spoke with Ryan, my business partner, about helping me out with it, nor did I know when we formed our Board, got our logo, created our Facebook page or anything in the “process.”  It took 10 months before we had our first campaign and another couple months after that before our site launched, so in-between all that there was simply wonder.  After our first campaign, who we are and what my role was in this began to take shape and before I knew it, I was the Director of a Non-Profit, a manifestation of my heart.

What people don’t tell you is the process that goes on during this stage.  And I totally understand why.  Being in any spotlight makes you vulnerable.  You want to present yourself and your organization as strong, unbreakable, trustworthy, and all those other qualities that draw the masses to you.  But what do I care?  I’m just an ordinary guy.

What people don’t mention is the heartache in the process; the disconnect in the time-space continuum between your dreams and your present reality.  Leaders see things in the future, it’s a part of what put us in that position in the first place.  I don’t look at Gamerosity as it is in its present state, but I see it in light of all the dreams, goals, and plans we have for the future.  I see the impact we’ll have within our “space” and I see the absolute paradigm shift that can happen if these things come to pass.  I’m not willing to concede to the present because I know the good we have planned for tomorrow.

But that’s what breaks me.

See, there’s this tension that goes on in my world between the need for me to be thankful and excited about what’s going on now without growing complacent and settling for “good enough.”  The reality is, people look at Gamerosity and they (by and large) love it.  The thought that what we’re doing with Gamerosity isn’t something I’m content with comes off as almost offensive, as though presenting their child with a Hero Package isn’t good enough to me.  But that’s not the point.  The reality is, I want so much more in our relationship between non-profit and child.

I want so much more than a Facebook post and random “check-ins” with the family.  I want to change things for families who’s children have cancer.  When we made our Mission “Changing the Treatment Experience for Kids with Cancer” we mean(t) it.  So I find myself warring in my heart, pitting future against past as though the two can’t coexist.

There’s a discipline that I’m learning in all this.  To truly, 100% embrace the work that’s being done today.  To celebrate the change that’s been made.  To bask in the reality that there’s a ton of non-profit leaders that wish they can make the kind of impact we’ve made so far.  I’m also learning how to truly, 100% embrace the work that comes in building for the future.  I will not settle for less, and I will not allow anyone to force me to settle.  This is my dream, but it’s also to the benefit of hundreds of children everywhere.

We’re going to change things.  I’m going to be a part of it, but I will not allow myself to sulk and live in misery because we’re not there yet.  I will hold on to the joy set before me.  I will praise God for yesterday, today, and tomorrow.  I will live in the beauty of this tension that pushes me today, and invigorates me for tomorrow.  And I will not allow finances, closed doors, or laziness to get in the way.  I was born to do this.

Side Note:
I get discouraged every now and again that the money isn’t there to move forward with these things.  I’ve worked extremely hard, willing to sacrifice compensation in order to build this organization into a sustainable change-making non-profit.  I don’t care about compensation because these things work themselves out.  I truly believe that it’s not my job to find a way to pay myself so I can fully focus on the organization (mainly because, if I begin to make that my focus, we’ll lose the purpose of our organization).  Paying me isn’t what this is about.  It’s about paying for the things we need to take the next step.  Innovation costs money, and I’m not willing to give any of our retail and platform dollars to anything other than Hero Campaigns, the children are our first priority.  So we search.  For external fundraisers, grant writers to lace up their boots, and opportunities that present themselves.  It’ll come, I know it will.  It’s not about money, it’s about time.

My husband DJ and I spent more than eight years exploring before we decided to have our first child. After we had Ezekiel, we didn’t want to stop exploring. We were determined to raise a child who would love to travel and want to see the world. So, we kept traveling.

Since Ezekiel was born in January, he’s seen New York City, Pittsburgh, Boston, Maine, New Hampshire, Virginia, five baseball stadiums, and we’re still going!

Every time we come back, I get asked how the Boy did. The answer is always the same, “He was awesome, he loved it.”

People often ask how we do it with an infant. Here are some of our philosophies on traveling with an infant.

Anticipate

I am a pretty neurotic planner. I make lists for everything. Traveling with an infant takes a lot of forecasting. Not only what you should bring, but where you put everything when you’re loading the car up. We plan for having to feed him when there are no rest stops for miles. We’ve developed this system where I climb in the back and the dog has to climb up front. It’s pretty impressive. Anticipate your needs. Anticipate the kid’s needs. Anticipate your stops for gas, bathroom breaks, feedings. It mentally prepares me for the trip we are about to take and if I can plan ahead, when an explosive diaper comes along the way, I know that I have to reach behind the driver’s seat to grab the diaper changing clutch and start setting up in the passenger seat, while my driver grabs the Boy. We’re like a baby pit crew.

Stay Awake

Before we take off, we always make a stop to top off on gas and grab snacks for the road. While we wait for gas, we also surf Audible for an audiobook. We buy snacks and drinks for every possible situation, water for hydration, coffee and tea for caffeine, and an energy drink or two for the wee hours of the morning.

When it was just the two of us, we really pushed ourselves to get places as quickly as possible. Now that we have Ezekiel, we are more responsible, we rest more often, we take naps at rest stops, because we don’t want to chance falling asleep at the wheel.

Find what works for you. We leave in the middle of the night to bypass any possible traffic. DJ drives through the night because he’s the night owl, and I drive in the morning because I am the early bird.

Sempre Gumby

Remember when I said I was pretty neurotic when it came to planning things? I like it when things go according to plan. But, sometimes, they don’t. So, sempre Gumby!! Stay flexible.

You have to decide which is more important for your trip: the time you arrive to your scheduled destination, or the experiences in getting there.

We were trying to make it back to Maryland from Virginia before rush hour, but we saw a civil war battlefield and stopped. There was also a park ranger there and he was about to start a tour of the grounds. We looked at each other and asked, “What do you want to do?” We chose to stay for a bit to hear the story of what it would’ve been like to see the Union Army come out of the woods and down the hill. (Then I had to drive, because DJ hates sitting in traffic.)

You have to be willing to abandon your lists and plans and time tables to get what you were really looking for — quality time with each other, sights, sounds and adventure.

Relax

DJ is always telling me to chill out. I am pretty high-strung. Remember what I said? Neurotic. He constantly reminds me that I should live in the moment. I should stop taking pictures and just experience the sight of God’s creation. I should stop Googling what happened at the historic site and just look around and take it in. Vacationing is about relaxing and recharging your heart, mind, and soul.

Enjoy it.

Embrace it.

Don’t rush through it.

What about you?  Have you decided to travel the country with your little one?  Do you have any tried and true pieces of advice to give?  COMMENT below and share, we’d love to hear!

But this brings about the question, “What’s ‘Love Recklessly’ and what place does it have among these other philosophies?”

Well, if you’re reading this, chances are you know WHO I am.  You know I’m a cancer survivor, a graphic designer, a dad, a husband, a Christ follower, and more than likely, you know I’m the Founder and Executive Director at Gamerosity, although you’d never hear me call myself that… I tend to just go by, “Head Cancer Hater at Gamerosity” because titles can really be uninviting.  I “qualify” myself as these things to set the table for the fire that burns within my heart.  Along my journey, I’ve learned that the sweetest of moments are when we allow ourselves to Love Recklessly.

I don’t mean “love” in the romantic, relationship context, I mean it in every other context.  See, reckless love means we’ve put our guard down, we’ve opened ourselves up to be transparent and along with that, we’ve opened ourselves up to be vulnerable.

The humanity within us will never enjoy being vulnerable, and why would we?  We’ve been burned too many times to rest our joy, reputation, and dreams in the hands of another.  But that’s the point.  When the Team and I began Gamerosity, I had to make a choice as to HOW I was going to love the children we serve.  Was I going to protect myself from the pain that comes with working with childhood cancer kids or was I going to be reckless and let my emotions show? How do I make such a decision rationally?  How do you?  Honestly, I can’t say I have a 3-Step-Program to loving recklessly, I can simply list a couple realities I’ve experienced as a result of letting go. And maybe they’ll help you in your journey.

Loving Recklessly will show the world your humanity

Maybe that’s a problem for you, but doing so will eventually ease the pressure of being the “bulletproof leader” you and I both know we can’t live up to.  Now, you’re free to be you AND lead leaders.

Loving Recklessly will cause those you serve to love you back

Authentic love is often reflected, rarely appreciated, but ALWAYS apparent.  Your motives will always be questioned if you treat your Cause as an ad campaign, but if you care without holding back, the ones you serve see it exactly for what it is, and they love you for it.  And that is value that can’t be purchased in a 10-step program.

Loving Recklessly will make you experience every drop of emotion

Yes, even the tough ones. Running the gamut of emotion is a place that we often avoid.  It leaves us open and vulnerable and that’s uncomfortable.  But break those walls down, care for those who are hurting without your guard up and allow yourself to be vulnerable.  Yes, care for that dying child, get to know them, watch the painful moments, and be there for the joyful ones.  It’ll leave you with scars, but it’ll also remind you of the beauty of humanity.  It will break you down, challenge you, and sometimes it’ll bury you in some of the deepest heartache you’ll ever experience.  It’ll also give you an opportunity to be critical part of a person’s life like you can only experience through reckless love.

Loving Recklessly will change your Mission Statement.  Forever.

If you can do it.  Do it.  There’s no itinerary for life change, there’s only spontaneous, whimsical engagement.  No longer will the banks of the river be reinforced with logic-driven guidelines, you’ll find yourself in the middle of an adventure that leads from one opportunity to another.

What does “success” look like when you Love Recklessly? A legacy of lives effected and infected from pure heart.  Be Care Full, not careful, and watch your world change as you change theirs.  You will get hurt, there will be tears, but there will also be joy, gratitude, hugs, and healing.  <3